


The Scientist and the Lethe

by lilithtorch2



Series: BuckyNat One-Shots and Short Stories [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Brief mention of death/murder, Gen, Hope, I will always find you, Memory Loss, implied stasis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithtorch2/pseuds/lilithtorch2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Using a sunflower, the scientist tells the Winter Soldier the story of a frail boy and a red-haired girl before he gets brainwashed again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scientist and the Lethe

**Author's Note:**

> "We don't have much time" but just like every TV show out there that says this, there's still enough time to go on a quick rant or tell a story.
> 
> I assume the Winter Soldier has a habit of picking up on other people's accents even though he's fluent in English with an American accent.
> 
> Coldplay "The Scientist"
> 
> And yeah, I'm still milking "I will always find you" for what it's worth.
> 
> :)

 “Winter Soldier? Is that you?”

“Doctor?”

“You still remember me.”

"Of course I do."

“We have done you a great disservice,” the other man finally said. The Winter Soldier carefully observed the scientist’s face, noting every wrinkle, every freckle. The scientist was worried. No, wait…he was feeling very guilty.

The Winter Soldier didn’t know why.

“Doctor, you have been nothing but kind to me.” He didn’t know of any other person who was kinder than the scientist, who treated him like he was family. It was the only reason the Winter Soldier could keep surviving like he did in this hellhole and continue to complete missions effectively.

“I have to tell you something before we put you under again.”

‘Put you under.’ The Winter Soldier knew what that meant. It meant that his mind would be wiped again and the next time he woke up he wouldn’t remember much except for what his superiors told him.

“We don’t have much time.”

The scientist simply produced a sunflower for the Winter Soldier and pressed it into his hands. As the Winter Soldier felt the smooth petals of the sunflower and the coarseness of the leaves, the memories came back. First it was a dream: he was playing with a frail boy as a young child. Then there were the women. And something else…falling down, thinking he was going to die.

He had a panic attack as the memories returned to him one by one.

The scientist soothed him and explained the meaning of the sunflower seeds that the Winter Soldier would always eat before he killed his targets. Both the Winter Soldier and their superiors believed he ate them because it helped him focus and increase his accuracy, but the truth was that the sunflower seeds were his attempts to remember something that was taken away from him. This was also why when the Winter Soldier was bored, he would use his knife and etch out images of sunflowers on the walls.

“They will take even that from you the next time you wake up,” the scientist warned him, “so I must tell you the story of a boy and a girl.”

The scientist first told him the story of a boy, someone named Captain America. “You fought alongside him once, you know,” the scientist said, and the Winter Soldier scoffed at the idea. He was loyal to Russia; Russia was all he had ever known and America was their enemy. He vowed he would one day kill Captain America for the glory of the Motherland, but the scientist only waited patiently for something to happen. The Winter Soldier suddenly remembered the frail boy again, the one who would not stop fighting.

_Steve, who did you try to fight this time?_

_You might be taller now, but you’re always going to be my little brother to me._

The scientist then told him the story of a red-headed girl, Natalia Romanova. “You were always competing with her,” he reminisced, “you were both the top two in your class.” The scientist remembered how they trained, how they would find ways to best each other. He even recalled a moment where he was walking outside with a colleague and would see the two of them sitting together under the trees, enjoying the peaceful quiet and the snow.

“Do you remember that?”

Of course the Winter Soldier did. For all he knew, he had practically grown up with her. Because he didn’t know his own birthday, she made up one just for him: the day they first met. Except she was dead now.

_But if you stay here you won’t remember.  
Then you have to do it for us. Remember the sunflowers, Natalia. Remember us._

_I’ll always find you! You wait for me!_

When he ended his tale, the scientist sighed and said, “After we put you under, you will wake up and I forgive you for what you will do next.”

“What? I don’t understand…”

“They will tell you to kill me, and you won’t care if I die.”

The Winter Soldier inhaled sharply. “You don’t know that.”

The scientist simply ignored that statement and discussed the effects of the serum that would wash away the Winter Soldier’s personality and all of his sins just so he could do the same thing over and over again. This time, their superiors would make sure that anything and anyone involving sunflowers would be eliminated.

But the only thing the Winter Soldier cared about: “Will I forget my brother and Natalia again?” He almost sobbed. He couldn’t decide if not remembering anyone at all was a blessing or a curse.

The other man gave him a sad smile. “When they ask you if you know either of them, you will say no.” He paused. “But I have faith that you will somehow remember them.”

Confused, the Winter Soldier considered this puzzling dilemma. How could he remember someone he forgot?

“Your brother and your Natalia are still alive and well in the United States.”

_I will always find you_

Natalia was still alive and not dead like he had thought! Steve, too! The hope burned itself deep into the Winter Soldier’s heart. He needed to get to them no matter the cost. He needed to let them know he was alive. The last thing he remembered the scientist say was:

“You will not remember it but you _will_ find them again.”

When the Winter Soldier woke up from a deep slumber, the men tested him and asked him questions. “Do you know Natalia Romanova?” No. “Do you know a man named Steve Rogers?” Who was that? “Where were you born?” Russia, of course. The new version of the Winter Soldier listened unconditionally to the instructions they gave him because he knew nothing else. He did not remember the scientist because the men did not mention him at all.

The Winter Soldier was now a true killing machine with no emotional connections.

The scientist who had told the Winter Soldier the stories of a frail boy and a redheaded girl was found dead by his servant. The scientist was lying peacefully in his bed as if he had found redemption. Some people said that he had died in his sleep; others told the tale of a demon who had haunted the scientist’s room and poured fire into his soul.

However, something was different about the Winter Soldier again. As expected, he stopped drawing the sunflowers and stopped eating the sunflower seeds. Yet even though the Russians would administer stronger and stronger doses of the serum, he still retained some muscle memories. The superiors noticed how when he fought he would incorporate some dance and gymnastics techniques just like a certain red-headed girl. When the Winter Soldier spoke English, he normally spoke as if he were a Russian speaking the language, but on occasion, he would speak English fluently like an American-born man he could not remember.

And somehow, in the next six months, all of the Winter Soldier’s missions would take place in the United States.


End file.
